Stuck in the middle

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

I used to be addicted anime. I'd download heaps of online references whose style I wanted to emulate, and for a time, I was doing fine. That came to a halt when I discovered watercolor painting.

Once I got into it, I decided to buy a few materials like water brushes, traditional paintbrushes, acrylics, gouache, watercolor tubes, Sakura pan watercolors - I just kept hoarding. After that, I was hooked with journaling and buying planners (they're pretty expensive rin pala!). I then bought a LOT of materials to decorate my new baby, from stickers to stamps, from custom refills to paper tapes - you name it. 



After that little period, I was given an iPad Pro to play with and so I shifted back to doing digital things, like logos, portraits, sticker designs, and the like. A few weeks ago, I began to miss watercolors and brush calligraphy, and went back to doing that.




Yesterday though, I found myself in the middle of a forest. I was in the middle of everything I loved to do, and I was lost. Lost is a mild word to describe my dilemma, honestly. It's a battle I've lost to over and over for years, practically ever since I started college. As cheesy as it sounds, I often ask myself what I really want to focus on. It seems like I know how to do numerous things, but I'm not incredible at any of them.

If you check my Instagram, my feed is all over the place. There's food, there's watercolor paintings, there are letterings and brush work... which one is my own?

The problem includes who I am as an artist. Am I a blogger, or a digital artist? I can be both, but then, if I am both, and an offer comes by that seeks to hire a person for each role, which do I choose? I've faced this dilemma before, and it wasn't an easy choice to make.

Yeah, I get it - I'm still young and figuring things out for myself, yada yada yada. I'm just a little concerned over the fact that some of my friends have already found their focus when I'm still blindly running around.

I'm seriously asking for advice here. What should I do first? I have plans written down, but they're also all over the place. 

24 comments

  1. I feel you. And I think I know what you need to figure out. Life purpose. It's gonna be a process but that is a good start. You could drop by my blog and search life purpose. I am also a message away.

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    1. Hi sir! Yes... life purpose it is. :/ I visit your blog when I have time, but I haven't gone into your life purpose post/s. :) Thank you for the kind offer sir, for someone to sort my head out with, haha.

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  2. Wow...you're amazing. I also love anime and I know how to draw. But I didn't improve my talent since I was busy for a living. I hope I do have a time and passion for drawing again just like yours. Just choose where your heart goes and you will be amazed with the result.

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    1. For someone who wants to do everything all at once, finding where my heart lies is hard. But I see what you mean, so thank you. :) I'll have to focus more I guess.

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  3. Aw, these illustrations reminded me of how awesome Tumblr artists are. Have you tried uploading your works there? I bet you'll get a lot of repost and more recognition on your part.

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    1. Hi! Haha, I'm actually on Tumblr, but I don't post there regularly. I feel like Tumblr is more of a place for hippies and #feels posts, but I might have outdated news about the site, lol. But thanks for bringing this into light again. I might create a new account for random doodles.

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  4. Well, you could be both all at the same time! Hahaha! But basically, its about doing what you really love.. Seems like you love both but i believe that there's still this one thing that outweighs the other.. Pray for what it really is. And pursue it.. For me, i think you are really good into painting and lettering and stuffs like that.. While blogging can be done once in a while.. Its a plus! I wish you goodluck! :)

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    1. Thank you very much! I keep feeling like my skills in each "thing" I want to do is just a little above average, and not at all striking as one would like. Blogging comes easy for me, which is why I sometimes get bored with it and shift to something new. :)

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  5. everyone has their own pace in life. Even if you still haven't found your niche today, you will get there sooner or later. I myself am still on the same forest- I'm lost between blogging, graphic design, photography and playing the guitar. You're not alone here babe. :D

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    1. Thank you, fellow lost person! Haha. We have the same things on our plate, apparently. Thank you for the kind words.

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  6. I want to go back in calligraphy but then still lots of wants are currently on my way. So much things wanted to be accomplished and you got stuck in the middle. Find ways where you can do both as equally as possible. Being an artist s a gift and it offers you a lot of opportunities. Use it well! Relax, think and classify the levels of the things you want.

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    1. It really does, haha. I do need to take a breather, huh? If you ever do get back to Calligraphy, I'd love to see your work!

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  7. I have a blog and practices calligraphy too and pursuing my post-grad studies. For that, I'd suggest you create a list with pros and cons about doing the other thing first. Surely, it may be tough at first but once you have sorted things out, it will work out eventually. I know you have interests in doing both things but no harm can be done if you'll do one thing at a time or do a schedule on it.

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    1. Hello Kristine! Thanks for these tips! I've never seen it that way, you know, that I had to write out the pros and cons. I'll be doing that, haha. I've written schedules SO many times, but because often, I work "in the moment" and rely on my mood, it rarely gets followed.

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  8. Well, yes, you are still young, and the more critical and hard it is to choose between the two, the harder the days would be. For me, try to blend in, or weigh in which one really made you happy and really keep you going and never gets tired, then, focus on that, when someone ask you the other one that you might not be very good at, try to negotiate wisely and prove how good the recent work you are doing.

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    1. Hi Ferna! Thanks for the extra tips. :) If there IS one thing I haven't grown tired of, it's writing. Anything, from novels to short stories, to blog posts - as long as it's writing, I'm up. There's just always that nagging feeling that I could be doing MORE than just writing, haha.

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  9. Oh i have that same issue.. you know that feeling that you can do things but you can't do them well.. you can't do them as great as what you imagine it would be.. personally... i have been following you on FB and I saw all your works and I think you can actually excel on both.
    if you are goin to focus more a being a digital artist.. don't you think you need a platform to showcase them online? I believe your blog is perfect place to do so
    and how about your singing career?? .. char! haha (pinahirapan lalo haha)

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    1. *Sigh* Feels comforting to know I'm not alone in this! Hahaha. I agree that my blog is a good channel to post whatever. Hahaha singing career?! Hahahahaha "pinahirapan lalo" lol! But thank you so much. I guess I just need more time to figure my purpose.

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  10. I haven't seen your ig feed but from what I see here, your graffiti work is quite impressive. I love your planner in that first pic. As with regarding to your friends having already discovered their way in life, well, everyone has their own timezone. Your friends who have found their way are in their respective timezones and you are in yours. Things always fall into place so just go your own way and do your own thing

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    1. Hi, thank you for the kind words :) It's funny how years ago I firmly believed that life isn't a race and that I should take my time in figuring things out, but I've realized how different my perspective is now, as someone almost in their mid-20's with a stable job but still looking for more.

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  11. I felt i was reading my own writing. I was like that before or I am still like that now. My instagram is so messy as well; it doesnt have any theme. It speaks of my love for food, of my kids, even of plants and anything. Perhaps thats what makes life exciting. We create our own chaos to think about how to improve. Then we improve. Without chaos, we may never want to improve and discover our self.

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    1. Well hello twin! Haha. Thanks for the comforting words. Isn't it just frustrating to want to do a lot but only have time and skills for a few, and often not simultaneously?! "We create our own chaos to think about how to improve". I LOVE this line. Thank you so much. Thank you for understanding and telling me to keep going at it. Thank you!

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  12. Hey! That was me too and well, I'm still the same girl with numerous mixed things in on her plate... Im already on my 20s and nothing has changed, it's crazy but I've started to accept how I am. Doing so many things altogether. I just do what I can. So don't get too worked up and stop comparing yourself with others. And for sure you aren't the only one who wants to do more than one thing. Just do what makes you happy, you will soon find your niche! Plus you've got great artistic talent, keep it up!

    Mica ❥ <a href="http://micadeleon.com>There's More To Mica</a>

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  13. Aw, thank you so much Mica! You're super sweet. That's a great start to the future, wouldn't you agree? Already accepting yourself for who you are, haha. Best of luck on whatever track you pursue. :)

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