Let's Do a Victory/Misery Dance!

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Finally! The second semester is over! I can't believe how long it took me to update hahaha. It's been about a week since school finished.

So many things happened this semester, including revelations, new friends, facts about old friends, and of course, crazier, sillier trips with them.

Gosh, I don't even know how to start this post!

Let's see.

- Maya 3D Modelling was the BOMB for this semester. There were a lot - and I mean A LOT - of extremely awesome modelers in our class (pa'no pa kaya sa kabilang section?!), and to be compared to them is just wow. Hahaha. As one of our classmates put it, nakaka-stress dahil lahat ng nasa isang side ng room ay magaling mag-Maya. <-- Hahaha. MATEO. Believe it or not, I felt insecure in that class. Needless to say, it was awesome to be graded highly for my mediocre models. Thank you sir Magno!

- Relationships just get better and better. FRIENDSHIPS, I mean. Not... gah. Hahaha. I found new friends, probable secret-keepers, and discovered a few other bonuses from old friends. I realized that change could actually happen in a snap, regardless of whether or not we feel it instantly. There's always something there that when you notice it, something inside you just clicks. I could be a total crack-head too, if I didn't take care of myself, and it's happened a few times this semester. (Please, just DON'T ask about this haha.)

- Aside from those positive, challenging, stressful events, I've had to battle emotional problems too. Somehow, I felt like I was slowly losing friends and connections that I worked hard to maintain. I don't know. There's an invisible force fishing me out of my pool, my well-guarded pool of hand-picked friends. I try to stay, but it seems that even the "pool" itself is pushing me away, you know? The firstnot question in my head was "AM I THAT DISLIKE-ABLE?" Really? I mean, I know I can be annoying and maybe even mean, but would that cost me friends I need to get through college?

- I found out things about myself too, and that's my ability to keep everything, even motions, hidden from everyone, even my friends. There was this one time when I felt really depressed yet I still got away with it at school, since no one asked me if I was fine or not. Even Pauline didn't ask me about it. Wow. I guess my face has this plastered mask on. It's been on since 4th grade. Yeah, so I guess I've mastered this to its limits. Even my crushes are indistinguishable. hahaha. Right, Don? I have yet to find that friend/friends who can actually tell if I have my mask on or not. That would be pretty refreshing.

Dahil tuloy sa mask na 'to, walang nakaka-alam kung gano kahirap ang maging ako minsan. Ang akala ng lahat ng tao, okay lang ako lagi, na wala akong problema. Sa totoo lang, may malaki akong problema ngayon, at hindi lang isa. Bakit kasi ang galing ko nang magtago? Kahit kina mommy, di na rin nila ako nababasa. Kahit nasasaktan na ko, hindi ko parin napapahalata. Kahit umiiyak na ko, ang galing ko parin itago. Maybe my tears have turned invisible too.

WELL, THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY.

I thought this post would end on happy words, but I guess it's too late for that now. Maybe that's the reason why I blog. What I can't deal with physically, I deal with in words.

Maybe I should write a book about these musings.
Maybe then, people will get to actually "read" how I feel.
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